yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
