when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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