Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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