Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
