Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
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