If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
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By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
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The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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