I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
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She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
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All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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