Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
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Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
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Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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