he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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