She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
