if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
