If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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