Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
