Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
