I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
