There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
why didn't you poke me back
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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