It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
