So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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