Umm I'm too high to move.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
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