She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
