ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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