I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
