I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
