plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
