We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
