my phone needs a breathalizer
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
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