Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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