i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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