so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
