I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
