Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
