Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
