They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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