Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
