just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
