i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
