my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
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