We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
