Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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