her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
