she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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