How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
