Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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