I saw his package. It spoke to me.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
