1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
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He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
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we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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