if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
