Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
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also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
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Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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