I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
