This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
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