He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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