I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
she peed on how many people?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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