the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
