Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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