On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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