I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Randomize
