just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
