Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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