I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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