Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Still dying that you shit outside
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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