im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
