So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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