I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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